The one I want would want me to love myself. And I cannot love myself if I feel I am not living honestly. I cannot love myself if I let what I once thought of myself drain me of life and love. There are no limits to my dreams, and love is simply an umbrella in which distributes the many branches of rain that waters the rainbow of roses that are my dreams. I am always what I have been, and I want is what I have always wanted. Simply changed, never quite the same, but at its center, it has always remained. The one I want would want me to love myself.
I thought of a life of love, and I thought of it alone, and then I thought of it with you. It made me realize–one I cannot do without. My purpose has always been to create, to change what has been created to leave my everlasting legacy on this world.
But I say without fear or doubt that I have already done just that. Simply by living and being I have changed the world. So what am I to do with all this remaining time, all this energy and desire for life?
Is it stupid… is it girlish… is it archaic to say I spend so much more time dreaming of a life of love with you?
Please, forgive me.
I don’t mean to disappoint anyone, but I’d rather not disappoint myself. I have found my motivations are shifting radically. I am not… I am not “myself,” but I am more myself than I ever have been. I understand the cause of such an urge. I understand the consequence of dreaming for what I want. I understand that I dream of a life of love, and I can no longer bare to dream it alone.
(PS: I absolutely loved Berserk. It made me wonder about the nature of dreams and how much perseverance we have to make them come true. Even though Griffith is a crazy boy, he sure does have a lot of purpose in getting what he wants, lol! It also made me think a lot about love, especially between the three main characters. Hopefully I get the courage to read the entire manga… it’s pretty long!! ❤ )